


Dear Oliver

by starrnobella



Series: Aim for the Stars [4]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: 31 Days of Fanfiction Challenge, Angst, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Letters, Major character death - Freeform, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-14
Updated: 2017-10-14
Packaged: 2019-01-17 01:05:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12354219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrnobella/pseuds/starrnobella
Summary: Sometimes all it takes is a few lines written on a piece of paper to bring you to your knees.TRIGGER WARNING: Major Character Death





	Dear Oliver

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: If you have an issue with MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH, please skip this story.
> 
> First off, I want to say PLEASE don't hate me. This was written for the 31 days of Fanfiction Challenge and the theme for day 12 was Major Character Death and day 13 was hurt/comfort. When I first saw the theme for yesterday, this was the first thing that came to mind.
> 
> Beta love to xxDustNight88! Alpha love to SquarePeg72! :)
> 
> Title: Dear Oliver  
> Rating: T  
> Pairing: Olicity, Thea & Oliver  
> Summary: Sometimes all it takes is a few lines written on a piece of paper to bring you to your knees.  
> TRIGGER WARNING: Major Character Death
> 
> If you are interested in checking out my other works or keeping up with me in general, I have an author's page on Facebook that you can check out (starrnobella Fanfiction) as well as a group (starrnobella Fanfiction Friends & Fans) that I am very active in on a daily basis. I'm also on tumblr (starrnobella) that you can follow along with me as well.
> 
> If you enjoy the story, please drop me a review!
> 
> Love always,
> 
> ~starr

_Dear Oliver,_

_I hoped this day would never come. I hoped that you would never have to read this letter, but I knew that I had to write it just in case, especially because of the lives that we lead. Fighting against the darkness that is trying to over take this city is something I never thought I would ever be doing, but I wouldn't change it for the world. It led me to you._

_Nothing in life is ever certain. Each new day isn't a guarantee. It is something that we hope, and hope is all that we ever have. Hope is the light shining at the end of the tunnel on every single dark day when we don't think that we are going to see the next one come. Hope is what led me to falling in love with you._

_Do not blame yourself for my death, Oliver._

_Do you hear me?_

_Do not blame yourself. Put the blame on whoever it is that killed me. It's not your fault. It has never been your fault._

_The death of Tommy is meant to be a dark cloud hanging over the head of Malcolm Merlyn, not over your's. Moira died at the hands of Slade Wilson, you weren't holding the sword that killed her. Moira died to save you and Thea. Laurel's death was caused by Damien Darhk, not by The Green Arrow._

_My death was not at your hands. You did everything that you could to save me, but it was my time to go. As I write this, I know I have no idea who is responsible for my death, but I know one thing. I know that you will seek justice against the person who has taken me away from you._

_I knew that getting close to you was possibly the most dangerous thing I could have done with my life, but I just couldn't stay away. No matter how many times you told me that you couldn't be with someone you could really care for, I found a way to stay close to you. I don't regret doing so, and you shouldn't regret letting me get close to you. Our relationship, as damaged as it may be, was one of the greatest experiences of my life._

_I hate that our story had to end this way. I hate that I never got to say goodbye to you, but that's why I wrote this letter. I had to be able to say goodbye and I had to be able to tell you how I feel about you. I had to do something to tell you that it is okay to miss me and that it is okay to grieve._

_You are allowed to grieve. No one has the right to tell you that you aren't allowed to grieve. I know that you think you have to be strong for everyone else, but you don't have to be. You are allowed to be human and to show emotion. The team, more than anyone else in your life, will understand and they will be there to support you. That's what a family does. It comes together in good times to celebrate, and it comes together during the hard times to support each other._

_Let them be there for you, Oliver. Even if you don't let everyone in, please let John and Thea be there for you. You have been there to be strong for them, and now it's their turn to be there for you. They love you more than you seem to realize and all they want is for you to be happy._

_I never stopped loving you, Oliver. Even when we found ourselves with other people, my heart was still drawn to you. Like a moth to a flame, I couldn't stay away and I know you couldn't stay away from me. You needed me just as much as I needed you._

_You brought such a light into my life when things got hard and I never got to thank you for that. You showed me what it felt like to be loved when it seemed like there was no one in the world who would ever love me. You saw me for more than the "blonde in IT." You saw me as the person who was capable of so much more._

_Don't give into the darkness and the regret that is trying to consume you. You are strong enough to overcome it._

_You'll get the son of a bitch that did this to me. You always do._

_I love you, Oliver Queen._

_My biggest regret is that I didn't get to kiss you one last time._

_Forever yours,_

_Felicity_

. . . . . . . .

He had found it tucked inside of his chest from the Island. She knew him well enough to know that when something bad happened, the first thing he did when he got back to the bunker was to open that chest and take out the bottle of Russian vodka that Anatoly had given him. A bottle that he had shared with John and Roy in the past. One that he had hoped he would never have to drink from again because he was going to give up the vigilante lifestyle.

What had driven her to leaving this here before she left the bunker one evening? Although, now he would never be able to ask her because she was gone. If only he had gotten there a little bit sooner, then maybe...just maybe.

He slammed his fist down on the table, causing the bottle to shake as he let out a sigh before reaching for it. Slowly, he undid the cap and poured some of the clear liquid into a glass. As he started to raise the glass to his lips, he paused and looked down at the glass in his hands.

What was he doing?

This isn't what Felicity would want him to be doing right now. She'd want him to be out there trying to catch Cutter and put her back in Iron Heights, if not in the cell that Slade Wilson had called home on the Island.

The scene kept playing over and over in his head. The gun being held to her head. The finger held so tightly to the trigger. One wrong move and it would be Felicity's blood splattered all over the wall.

Only, it didn't take one wrong move. Cutter pulled the trigger anyways. There was nothing Oliver could do to save her. Her death was his fault. Cutter's words played on repeat in his head, like a soundtrack designed to pull him deeper into the darkness.

" _It doesn't have to be this way, lover. I don't have to kill her. Just tell me you love me, lover. Let's be together forever."_

Tossing his head back, Oliver pressed the glass to his lips allowing the clear liquid to burn it's way down his throat before slamming the empty glass on the table. He scrubbed his hands over his face as the sound of the gunshot echoed in his head and the image of Felicity's body falling to the ground stood firm in his mind.

The tears started to well up in the corners of his eyes.

He had failed her.

He wasn't able to save the one person who meant the most to him.

Was he really cut out to be the one who saved Star City when he couldn't even save her?

For the first time ever, he allowed the tears to stream down his cheeks and the sadness overtook his body. The sob ripped through him as he reached for the glass off the table and threw it against the wall opposite him. The sound of the shattering glass didn't even register with him as he collapsed to the floor. The pain he felt in his heart was unbearable. He allowed himself to cry because that was the only thing he knew he could do right right now.

. . . . . . . .

When Thea found him, he was curled up in a ball by the table where he kept his chest. It looked as though he'd been crying. That was something she had never seen him do. The longer she thought about it, the more she realized that she had never seen him with tear-stained cheeks. Even when their mother had been killed, he hadn't cried. He felt as though he needed to be strong for both of them.

This time it was her turn to be strong. He needed her to be.

"Ollie," she said gently, kneeling down beside him to sit. She rubbed her hand over his shoulder causing him to turn and look at her. His eyes were bloodshot and raw. Her heart hurt just looking at him.

Slowly, he sat up and brought his knees to his chest, turning to look at her. Closing his eyes, he leaned forward resting his head on his knees and took a deep breath. As he opened his eyes, he found her looking at him. Her face riddled with pain and concern for her big brother. He tried to paint a fake smile on his face for her, but couldn't. It had only brought the tears back and he scrubbed at his face to wipe them away.

"Ollie, it's okay," she whispered, taking his hands in hers and pulling them away from his face. "It's only me. You don't have to be embarrassed to cry in front of me. You're allowed to be human."

A small smile graced her face when she saw his eyes light up when she called him a robot. Taking a deep breath, Oliver's lips turned up to a half smile. "Thanks, Speedy," he mumbled.

"You're welcome," Thea replied. She looked down at the piece of paper beside him and immediately recognized the handwriting. "So you found the letter…" she began.

He nodded in response, lowering his eyes to look at the letter before lifting his eyes to meet hers. However, he didn't find sadness in her eyes. He found something else. "Speedy?" he asked, quirking his brow.

Thea took a deep breath before replying. "We all wrote them and have placed them around the bunker in places we thought you would look when you made it back here. You know, just in case."

"What do you mean?" he asked, furrowing his brow.

"We didn't want you to blame yourself if something ever happened to any of us because we know how you are," she explained. "We wanted you to know that you will never be alone, no matter what happens to any of us."

"Thank you," Oliver said, leaning forward to press a gentle kiss to her forehead. It didn't make Felicity's loss any easier, but it was good to know that his team, his  _family_ rather, were looking out for him, now and in the afterlife.


End file.
